Wedding Songs - And Beyond

Courtesy: Wikipedia

We were watching a film on YouTube the other day (that’s a story for another post) when YouTube, as is its wont, threw up movies on the sidebar. One of them was Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, which a very close friend of ours described to me (I hadn’t watched it then) as a ‘three-hour-long wedding video’.  I must say that while I thought it saccharine sweet, it resonated with enough people that it was the biggest hit of that period. 

Our wedding, the Kerala ones, are were noted for their simplicity. The brides wore either the offwhite/gold-bordered Kasavu saris/mundus or regulation Kaancheevarams, and the grooms wore the traditional offwhite/gold dhotis and white shirts. Even with the traditional homam (a religious ritual), the whole thing took probably a couple of hours. My  whole wedding, including the feast afterwards, took perhaps two hours, the ceremony itself accounting for only 20 minutes. 

In any case, that was what I used to. The big, fat, Punjabi wedding that I participated in, when I had just entered my teens, was a revelation to me – being a child, I enjoyed every bit of the three-day spectacle. I loved the mehendi (Henna) ceremony and the sangeet (literally 'music' – an evening that is filled with music prior to a wedding), and the baraat (the bridegroom's ceremonial procession) and even looked wide-eyed at everyone crying during the bidaai (bidding the bride farewell) even though we were the ‘groom’s side’. It all seemed so touching, so, so exotic! And of course I loved the beautiful ghagra-cholis, and the lovely dupattas, not to mention the gorgeous accessories – colourful glass bangles, delicate jewellery, strands of jasmine…

Spotting the HAHK link on the side brought back those memories. It also brought back memories of wedding songs in Hindi films. And since I hadn’t posted any of my themed lists for some time, I decided, why not? ‘Wedding’ songs are a dime-a-dozen in our films. Each event that leads up to the wedding seems to have a song of its own. I remember one of my professors, who used to also teach a course on Culture and Film at the University, telling me that some cultures even had songs for funerals. So instead of sticking to ‘wedding’ songs, I decided to weave a post incorporating the various elements that lead up to a wedding and its aftermath.

1. Maang mein bhar le rang sakhi ri 
Mujhe Jeene Do (1963)
Singer: Asha Bhosle, chorus
Music: Jaidev
Lyrics: Sahir Ludhianvi 

I’m told that brides today spend a lot of time dreaming about their wedding day. Especially here in the US. It seems to bring about a lot of angst in its wake. I’m sure there were young women who did so in our time as well, only I didn’t personally know any. If at all we thought about it, it was a ‘oh, yes, we’ll get married in the future’ – that future being, well, in the future. We had too many things to interest us and keep us busy to worry about who was going to marry us, when. 

But Waheeda’s Chameli has an excuse. She is a tawaif (courtesan) who has never really been accorded a respectable status in society. Sure, men did appreciate her beauty and her art, but they visited, and then they left. She would never be invited to their homes, or be treated as a ‘good’ woman would. And women like her surely cannot imagine being married. So when Thakur Jarnail Singh (Sunil Dutt), a daku kidnaps her, she doesn’t think him any better than her other visitors, but there is a surprise in store for her – he wants to make her his bride. For the first time, Chameli allows herself to dream like any other woman. Of marrying someone, being his wife, perhaps the mother of his children…

2. Aaj unse pehli mulaqaat hogi
Paraya Dhan (1971)
Singer: Kishore Kumar
Music: RD Burman
Lyrics: Anand Bakshi
It was only after I went to bed yesterday that I realised I had left out a very important part of our pre-wedding rituals – that of 'seeing' the girl. And since most wedding rituals, and therefore much of this post, is focused on the girl, I thought I should add this song to this post.

Arranged marriages are still very much a part of our culture, but a lot has changed since the days when children were betrothed in their cradles. Then came a time when the parents fixed the marriage, and the bride and groom were lucky if they saw each other before their first night. Later came the process of 'bride-seeing', where the girl and boy got to have a peek at each other while the girl served tea. A little later, more progressive parents began to allow their children to meet and talk for a while in (relative) seclusion, while they watched benignly from afar. The girl and boy at least had a chance of talking a few words together before they were tied together in the inviolate bonds of marriage. 

Here, is a very unique portrayal of this ritual. Unique, because the young man is travelling alone to 'see' his prospective bride. Unique, also because, it is very rarely that we get to know what goes through a young man's mind as he goes to meet a strange girl who he may or may not like. I know we talk a lot about the girls' lack of choices. I wonder how much choice young men had those days either. Anand Bakshi's lyrics are simple but eloquent – as the young man rides along, he muses about how it would be to meet this girl for the first time, to talk to her, and then...? He doesn't quite know. What if she has a friend to chaperone her? He also wonders how she must be feeling...

3. Cham cham cham cham chamke bindiya 
Do Dulhe (1955)
Singer: Geeta Dutt, chorus
Music: BS Kalla
Lyrics: Pandit Indra Chandra 

Traditionally, a sagaai (engagement) never seemed to need either the bride or the groom's presence. The bridegroom’s family would visit the bride’s family to offer the traditional shagoon – fruits, gifts for the bride’s family, and perhaps, a pair of bangles – and to confirm that the wedding would take place. I haven’t seen an ‘engagement’ ceremony in real life where the bride and groom exchange rings, until recently. So it was rather surprising when I realised that this Geeta Dutt (and chorus) song that I’d heard and liked was for an on-screen sagaai ceremony, where both bride (Vanaja?) and groom (Sajjan) were present, even if they don’t exchange rings. This is a rather small song, sung more by the chorus than by Geeta Dutt, but it is quite a nice song, for all that.

4.  Chali pi ke nagar ab kaahe ka dar 
Mirza Ghalib (1954)
Singer: Shamshad Begam, chorus
Music: Ghulam Mohammad
Lyrics: Shakeel Badayuni 

The sangeet, much like the mehendi ceremony, was usually restricted to the women of the family, and the bride’s friends. It is held the evening before the wedding, and these are the last few hours that a young woman can openly laugh and dance, unencumbered by the responsibilities that entail being a married woman. For her friends, this is the last time they can tease her so openly, and so they usually do it with a vim and a verve. Here, we have a young dancer (Kumkum) teasing Chaudvin (Suraiya) about how she would soon rule her husband’s household, and how she would not have to fear either her mother-in-law or sister-in-law. Only, this young bride here loves the already-married poet Ghalib, and is not too happy at being married off to someone else, even when that someone is the city's kotwal, who has paid her poor mother a princely sum as meher (bride price).

5. Man bhaawan ke ghar jaaye gori 
Chori Chori (1956)
Singers: Lata Mangeshkar, Asha Bhosle
Music: Shankar Jaikishen
Lyrics: Shailendra 

Come the morning of the wedding, and getting the bride ready for the ceremony has always been  a very special undertaking. Traditionalists still talk of solah shingar (16 ways of beautifying yourself), which is supposed to make any bride look beautiful. Long before professional beauticians came on the scene, this duty was meticulously undertaken by the bride’s more experienced friends and relatives. One expects brides to be a shade nervous, slightly anxious – after all, in a few hours, she is going to leave all that is familiar behind, and go away to a house where she knows no one well, not even her newly wedded husband. Here, unfortunately, the bride is not just anxious; she is miserable. But her friends still do their best to deck her up in her wedding finery, while the two performers (Sai and Subbulakshmi) (try to) keep her and the others entertained with their song and dance. 

6.  Mera yaar bana hai dulha 
Chaudhvin Ka Chand (1960)
Singer: Mohammed Rafi
Music: Ravi
Lyrics: Shakeel Badayuni 

It is interesting that many of the wedding celebration songs are women-oriented. The sangeet, the mehendi, the bidaai, are all focused on the bride. So it is nice to have a men-only celebration where the bridegroom’s friends meet to celebrate his coming nuptials. Of course, that is the perfect time for the bachelor friend of the groom to tell their other friends that while he is very happy their friend is getting married, and wishes him well, he hopes that the friends assembled there would pray that he, the singer, would have the good fortune to get married soon as well.  

7. Shivji byaahne chale  
Munimji  (1954)
Singer: Hemant Kumar, chorus
Music: SD Burman
Lyrics: Shailendra
Now is the time for the baraat to arrive. It is a moment of anxiety for the bride’s party – what if the groom’s party doesn’t arrive in time for the muhurat? But for the bridegroom’s party, it is a fun-filled journey; they are going to bring a bride home! So they proceed at snail’s pace, dancing their hearts out, musical instruments in hand, while the groom, waits impatiently on his mare as she prances along slowly in tune with the men and women who surround her. When the baraat finally reaches the bride’s home, there is a collective sigh of relief as they welcome the groom and his family.

I could have gone with one of the several baraat songs that I really like; this one is not even a ‘real’ baraat song in that it is a stage performance, not one of the characters in the movie going to his wedding. But it is such a beautiful song, and it so encapsulates the joy and celebration surrounding a baraat’s journey to the bride’s home that I had to include this. With Hemant Kumar singing what I consider one of his best songs for Dev Anand, and noted dancer/choreographer Sachin Shankar on dancing on stage with Ameeta, I really could not exclude this even though the song does not just end with the baraatis reaching the bride’s house. 

8. Kaahe sharmaaye gori 
Bandi (1957)
Singer: Asha Bhonsle
Music: Hemant Kumar
Lyrics: Rajinder Krishan 

The baraat has come and the bride is all dressed up and ready to go to the mandap. Shyness overcomes her, mixed with nervousness – she is soon going to be wedded to a man whom she’s (possibly) never met before, and she senses, even if she doesn’t know, that her life is going to be changed overnight. Her friends conduct her to the mandap, while her doting brother looks on. They are teasing her about her shyness, because one day or the other, she would have to go to her husband's house. While Nanda is not the heroine of this film (Bina Rai is; Nanda is the heroes' sister), she looks really young and beautiful in this song. 

9. Chal ri sajni 
Bambai ka Babu 
Singer: Mukesh
Music: SD Burman
Lyrics: Majrooh Sultanpuri 

The wedding is over. And now, it is time for the bidaai, the departure of the bride to her new husband's home.  While Babul ki duaaen leti jaa is the quintessential bidaai song, I like this one because, while the voice is male, it sings of all the emotions that a bride feels when she is bidding farewell to her childhood home forever – here, in this film, there is an added complication to the feelings of loss; the new bride is also bidding farewell to a man whom the world thinks is her brother, but is in reality, the brother’s killer. But he is also the man who loves her, and whom she loves, and the replacement son for her parents who have no way of knowing that he is not who he claims to be. As she leaves, she looks back one last time at him; he, knowing that he has willingly given her away to another man, watches sadly, silently.

The first time I watched a bidaai in real life is at the afore-mentioned wedding where I was the ‘groom’s party’. It was my friend’s brother’s wedding, and when the time for the bidaai rolled along, I was surprised to see everyone on the bride’s side crying – because no one did at our (Mallu) weddings! Then, my friend’s older cousin explained to me that the girl was now bidding farewell to her parents’ house for good, and making her way to her ‘new’ home. From now on, she would be considered a visitor; and frequent visits would be discouraged. l still remember my shock at hearing that – what? I couldn’t imagine not walking back into my parents’ house whenever I wanted to, married or not. Or I’m pretty sure I would be weeping buckets too.

10. Ghoonghat hatana dena goriye  
Sapan Suhane (1961)
Singer: Lata Mangeshkar, chorus
Music: Salil Choudhary
Lyrics: Shailendra 
The wedding is over, so is the bidaai and the bride has been brought to her sasural (in-laws' house). Now it is time for the women in the bridegroom’s household to welcome the shy bride. Before the bride and groom are finally left alone to get to know each other, perhaps really see each other for the first time, the new bride is alone with her new relatives-by-marriage. The women tease her – don’t allow your husband to remove your veil; your beauty can put that of the moon to shame. The bride can only smile and hide her face in her veil in shy confusion. Picturised on Kamini Kadam (the bride) and Geeta Bali (the singer), the song ends with the bride being ceremoniously taken to the wedding chamber.

11. Chhupakar meri aankhon ko 
Bhabhi (1957)
Singers: Lata Mangeshkar, Mohammed Rafi
Music: Chitragupt
Lyrics: Rajinder Krishen 

It is time for the suhaag raat (first night). Where are the shy brides of the earlier songs who had been exhorted to not remove their veils from their faces? This bride is not wearing a ghoonghat, and she is definitely not shy at all. On the contrary, hers is a ‘love marriage’ and she is so happy to be married to him that she bursts into song when he comes into the room.

He doesn’t seem too bothered by his bride’s lack of suitable shyness either; he is just happy to be married to her and this night is the beginning of their new life together. Of course, one always knows that in a film called Bhabhi, a song such as this would be followed by great misfortune. This is probably the last scene where this newly-wed couple smile and look so happily at each other. After which is a long series of unfortunate events that keep glycerine companies in business year after year after year.

Now for what happens afterwards:

12. Jhukti ghata gaati hawa

Dhool ka Phool (1960)

Singers: Asha Bhosle, Mahendra Kapoor

Music: N Dutta

Lyrics: Sahir Ludhianvi

Now that the wedding is over, family and friends have all returned to their own homes, the newly-weds are left on their own. Before the new bride is given charge of all the responsibilities of her new home, the young couple are sent off on a honeymoon so they can get to know each other. These ten or 15 days are the only time they can be assured of being completely on their own, and so they take full advantage of it.

In this case, the ‘hero’ (Rajendra Kumar) has loved and left another woman (Mala Sinha) in dire straits before marrying the ‘more suitable’ woman (Nanda) whom his parents have picked for him. His lover is in dire straits, an unwed mother, but he has no qualms about walking away from her; his new wife has no clue that her husband has questionable ethics and, for the moment at least, is happy in her wedded bliss. 

13. Aji biwi ko ghar pe bithhlake

Minister (1959)

Singers: Asha Bhosle, Mohammed Rafi

Music: Madan Mohan

Lyrics: Rajinder Krishen 
The honeymoon phase is over; miya-biwi begin to see each other as the proverbial ghar ki murgi, and so begin the squabbling. It begins over petty things, and if not fixed, soon become mountains. Someone rightly said that marriages seldom break up over huge issues; it is the petty ones that prove their undoing.

Here, the husband (Bhagwan), caught philandering by his long-suffering wife (TunTun) stigmatises her as a suspicious witch. Even as she excoriates him for cheating on her, he blames her for not understanding how difficult it is to keep a house running. Madan Mohan sets this trippy tune to Rajinder Krishen’s pithy lyrics.

14. O babusaab o memsaab 
Talaaq (1958)
Singers: Manna Dey, Asha Bhonsle
Music: C Ramchandra
Lyrics: Kavi Pradeep 

So where does it all end? Typically, it would be the wife sulking and the husband trying to woo her back into a good mood. But sometimes, they need to have someone else put some sense into their heads. Which is where marital counselling, the modern world’s panacea for all ills, comes in. Here, of course, it is not a real counsellor (who will charge $150 to listen to you and say ‘Hmm’ once in a while) but the couple’s friends/employees who do the needful. Since they cannot knock the feuding couple’s heads together, they do the next best thing – they sing a song that provides some much-needed life lessons to the warring duo.

C Ramchandra is well-known for his light, frothy numbers, but can you believe Kavi Pradeep, he of the patriotic numbers’ fame, writing something that is so light-hearted? While the warring couple are Rajendra Kumar and Kamini Kadam, I do wonder who the man is, who is lip syncing to the song. The woman, I think, is Yashodhara Katju.

Incidentally, there is another version of the same song where the shoe is on the other foot – the couple singing the song are feuding (and looking for every opportunity to run away from each other) while Rajendra Kumar and Kamini Kadam are trying to teach them the lesson to marital bliss.  

I haven't found any song celebrating divorce, so we will leave this post with the hope that the home-grown counselling worked its wonders.