The Lament of the Gelf Returnee

Confession: This post is not mine. I play only the role of the narrator, the sutradhar if you will, but it was too good not to share. Okay, so the background is thus:

There is a forum that my husband frequents, where there is a discussion of many things 'south-Asian' (for want of a better term). Serious discussions these, by people who are mostly in academia, and bherry bherry intellectual. Mostly. Once in a while, however, (and that is mostly) they let their hair down and come up with intellectual discussions such as this. As far as I can tell, and remember, I'm hearing this second-hand, there was a comment on the forum about Malayalis being 'hot'. To which, one of the posters responded with the following anecdote:

Oh, it's not the Malayalis who are hot, we're really very cool people : it's the place. Once while travelling on the Bangalore-Ernakulam train, our co-passenger was a Gulf-returnee rigged out in an Eskimo-style anorak with fur trim, all zipped up to the chin. In Palakkad, he took the zipper down a couple of notches and remarked to the world in general, "houff, kandri verri hote".

To which, my husband, who probably a) had nothing much to do that day b) was frustrated with fixing bugs in someone else's software c) was momentarily insane d) was just being himself (you pays your money and you takes your choice) decided, on the spur of the moment, to respond in verse. And while it may not be 'poetry' it definitely rhymes, and there is a nice lilt to the chorus. I'm still trying to figure out which tune to set it to - it may serve as a marching song for all Malayalis everywhere. Of which, by the way, I am one, so, to all Malayalis out there who *may* take offence, hey, relax. Have a chai. 

I cannot even lay claim to the title; that is all my husband's doing, right down to the accent! 

The lament of the gelf returnee

I was travelling in a train
And as it snaked through the plain
I turned to the lot
who I felt shared my pain...
And I shouted this refrain
Chorus: Ouff, Kandri verri hote.

I unzipped my windcheater
And said, "turn off that heater"
To the sun, who cared not a jot
It kept at the thermometer
Driving it higher..
Chorus: Ouff, Kandri verri hote

I said "I, what a fool
To leave the gelf which was so cool,
where I used to lie on my cot.
Und switch on the AC.
Und dring, water ice and whiskey."
Chorus:Houff, kandri verri hote..

Oll this fun in the sun
Is really overdone
Unless you cook it in a pot
With kippers and karimeen
And forms of chemmeen
Chorus: Tra la la, Houff, kandri verri hote

So all my Malayali brethren
And I'll include Sir dabbler among them
Think this thought
Do not live with this folly
Let us be cool and jolly
Let it all hang out.
Let us stop being Indian
And become Canadian
Err, is this a slip Freudian?

 -----------------------------------------------------

©Sadanand Warrier 2011

ps: My husband says that the refrain has to be shouted to relish it completely. 

pps: I wonder if posting this will encourage him to write more doggerel! 

ppps: I refuse to be held responsible for any of this.