A recap: Sometime blog
reader Shalini had recommended Leap Year as a cure for my doldrums. Since the film
starred Amy Adams, I’d no trouble getting my husband to sit and watch it with
me. At the end of it, though, S recovered from having willingly borne the horrors of a
critically-panned rom-com by searching frantically for some 'manly' [mindless] action film. Browsing channels, he fortuitously came across a sci-fi horror film known as the Piranhaconda – which,
according to him was the illegitimate offspring of a piranha and an anaconda.
(Don’t. Even. Ask.)
As is usual with my husband, the muse struck in the middle of watching that unadulterated bilge, and he tossed off a few lines. Correctly interpeting my gasps as that of laughter, and not my dying ones, he promised me a 'pome'.
That was a few weeks ago. The poem continued to ferment in his brain, but the muse, as he confessed, wasn't being very supportive. And of course, real life, in the form of work, intruded. Finally, last week, feeling the pressure of my deadline –he claims –he sat down at his desk with fevered brow, and inspiration and perspiration colluded to provide this magnificent ode to a magnificent creature –even if one that was borne of someone's fevered imagination.
So. Here. Dedicated to Shalini, and the mutual pursuit of mediocrity, I unveil a ‘Sadu Pome’ on the travails of the Piranhaconda. Please be warned that clicking on the links may lead to unexpected consequences like death by laughter, or a permanent imprint of QWERTY on your forehead.
As is usual with my husband, the muse struck in the middle of watching that unadulterated bilge, and he tossed off a few lines. Correctly interpeting my gasps as that of laughter, and not my dying ones, he promised me a 'pome'.
That was a few weeks ago. The poem continued to ferment in his brain, but the muse, as he confessed, wasn't being very supportive. And of course, real life, in the form of work, intruded. Finally, last week, feeling the pressure of my deadline –he claims –he sat down at his desk with fevered brow, and inspiration and perspiration colluded to provide this magnificent ode to a magnificent creature –even if one that was borne of someone's fevered imagination.
So. Here. Dedicated to Shalini, and the mutual pursuit of mediocrity, I unveil a ‘Sadu Pome’ on the travails of the Piranhaconda. Please be warned that clicking on the links may lead to unexpected consequences like death by laughter, or a permanent imprint of QWERTY on your forehead.
You
read – and click – at your own risk. This blog, its owner (a.k.a me), SSW,
Shalini, et al, shall be indemnified against any consequence thereof.
The watching of the Piranhaconda - a film
review of sorts
One late
evening when the sun was low
And winter's
chill had yet to go
We sat down to
watch a romantic comedy
One starring a
certain Adams (Amy)
t'was recommmended, said the spouse,
t'was recommmended, said the spouse,
By a friend. So
do not grouse.
It’s got your red-head
anyway,
So kindly watch
and do not neigh.
It went along
as rom-coms will
At the end Jack
got his Jill
But all that
romantic yearning
Left a vague uneasy
feeling…
The heart
yearned for some gore,
A bit of blood,
and then some more…
And so I
scanned - remote in hand
And came upon
Who is the chap
you don't want to meet
In a dark lake
or even a lighted street?
The
Piranhaconda!
Who bites
helicopters flying thirty feet above?
(You'd think
the pilot would be a sensible cove)
A 100 miles is
the required distance
To keep from a
film made on a pittance,
As was
The
Piranhaconda!
Who chases scientists, and gangsters too?
Who chases scientists, and gangsters too?
Who eats flower
girls and film crews?
(It looks like it's a closet critic too.)
(It looks like it's a closet critic too.)
Who will rip
you asunda
And have you
for its dinnah?
The
Piranhacondah!
Who moves
faster than the eye can see?
(But poses for
closeups very, very slowly…)
And chases cars
and boats over land and sea
And prefers the
contents of a family to an SUV?
The
Piranhaconda!
When it
comes to marital discourse
Who thinks
nothing of eating its spouse?
(I can see how
some men would prefer,
And welcome it as a family counselor)
The
Piranhaconda!
And at the end
there was the begining
The piranhacondas
were dead to our thinking
The lovers were
kissing, when oh!
The horror, the
horror!
No... oh, no!
No... oh, no!
At once I knew
Before I bid it
adieu
There would be
a
Piranhaconda 2!
– Sadanand Warrier
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